AdvIce King – How to Escape Chores


  • January 15, 2014 10:00:00 AMAdvIce King


Dear Courtney,
That’s what henchmen are for. Get yourself a legion of loyal penguins, or some other flightless bird. (I hear emus are nice). They’ll do pretty much anything you need, like cleaning out the fridge, guarding your mountain fortress, or scrubbin’ your armpits. Ya know, chore stuff.

  • September 14, 2013 2:26:06 PMCrazy Eduardo Atlas
    Dear AdvIce King,
    How do I get princesses to like me?


  • January 15, 2014 10:00:00 AMAdvIce King

Dear Crazy,
I wish there was a simple answer. There isn’t. But I can tell you what NOT to do.
Things I’ve learned so far:

  • Don’t kidnap them
  • Don’t lock them in your ice dungeon
  • Don’t read them really great fan fiction that you wrote yourself
  • Don’t threaten to squish them into juice
  • Don’t steal chunks of various princesses to create the perfect monster wife. (That’s a big one)

The key is to never stop trying. Worst-case scenario, you can always marry your own foot.



  • January 15, 2014 10:00:00 AMAdvIce King


Dear Oddball,

Looking for advice? Ask the AdvIce King!

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